0 Day...

But The Tale Ends Not Here
I Have Nothing To Fear
For My Love Is Hell Of Giving And Hold On

And The Bright Emptiness
In A Room Full Of It
Is A Cruel Mistress

I Feel This Unrest
That Nest All Hollowness
For I Have Nowhere To Go In The Cold

And I Feel So Lonely
There's A Better Place Than This Emptiness

And I'm So Lonely
There's A Better Place Than This

Emptiness,

as the sun rises of this zero day...the day which embarks placements here....when almost everyone from the day On-wards would get a chance to show their mettle ...somehow it is a test of mine as well...non-eligible for placements...an eligible individual...

it is not the pain..every passing day....excites me...as i move one step closer to my goal...my desire...all these days have given me time to have a deep introspection...and the result is....i need to improve....in a sense it has been a blessing in disguise....as now i m falling in love with the "pink paper" ....falling in love with "learning"....yes i am in love....but for the first time with the right person...
the aim of this blog is not to show my agony or pain (if at all there is some) but just the concept of zero day was enticing enough to write a blog...
zero day....when placements begin...people running with CVs...for CVs...dressed...combed...many of my friends would get up in sometime from now...and while they comb their hair (many for the 1st time) ....who knows...12 hours after that they would see themselves in the same mirror but with a different eye....who knows...if they would leave the house in few hours from now with a CV in their hand....might walk back with an offer letter....who knows...
i wish each friend of mine to do well...i know there are some worried and anxious friends of mine....all i will say ... just think of me...(agar sala ye abb tak eligible na ho kar b besharam jaise khush reh sakta h ....) toh even you guys can be....my best wishes are with each and every one of you....

and i...i will wait....just like a good friend....will wait...till all of you get placed..(aur koi option bhi ni hai ) hehe....

well...honestly....i am not hurt....though i should be...but i am not....as they say....whatever happens , happens for the best....and this has happened for the best...and to all those who think i was stupid and jerk...well..i appreciate the concern....and i will make sure that i prove you guys wrong....

off late...there have been quite emotional blogs from my side...last few months were a bit tricky....and mind you i am still the same...i will keep repeating the mistakes...for it is only for my friends that i love to cry....love to smile...love to sacrifice....

i cannot be lovable all the time...cannot be a good...soft spoken person to my dearest ones all the time.....you will have to listen from me...thats me...

"Maine yeh bhi socha hai aksar
Tu bhi main bhi sabhi hai sheeshe
Khudhi ko hum sabhi main dekhein
Nahin hoon main hoon main toh phir bhi
Sahi galat, tumhara main
Mujhe paana, paana hai khud ko
Jo bhi main, kehna chahoon
Barbaad kare, alfaz mere, alfaz mere"

yahoo...yahoo....cheers..oooo yeahh....ooo yeahhh...!!

There are days..

its been one and a half year....and now i can really describe...the life of a balajian....right from the studies part...to emotional part...i'll try my best to cover all the aspects....

one comes....here alone..(mostly)....with hopes and dreams....with curiosity and eagerness....with determination and grit...

then...

there are days....when one feels was his decision right.....

there are days.....when "sbs" seems to be entire world for him.....

there are days....when world comes to a hault here in SBS for him...

there are days when he abuses....curses....every rule....every thing offered to him by this institute..

there are days...when he praises every little thing of this institute....

there are days....when he would spend sleepless nights trying to google facts and figures for his presentation next day...

there days....when he just spends the entire day sleeping on the desk....trying to google his dreams...

there are days....when there are friends around him...and he feels the luckiest to have such friends...

then come those days....where he finds himself stranded , alone....and trying to figure out what went wrong...

there are days....when a day goes with a blink of eyes....with smiles and laughter...

then there are also days....when a day never seem to past.....and all the smiles vanish away...

there are days....when reading economic times...seems so damn interesting...

there are days....when even a pink colored top..of a girl reminds of ET and one starts hating her...

there are days....when sitting in lectures seems so easy...when he wants to be in the class..

then comes those days...when even passing the time during lunch becomes difficult...

there are days....when he feels there is a family here...

there are days....when he misses the family away from here...

there are days....when he would forget everything....(even attendance) for his loved ones....

there are days....when every one would forget him too...

there are days...when he is surrounded by his friends....

there are days....when he surrounded by his true friend loneliness...

there are days....when the head of this family...seems to be his grandfather...

then there are days....when he seems to be his biggest enemy....

there are days...when he would forget everything for his dearest friends...and do anything to make them smile..and happy.

then there are days....when he would be forgotten by his dearest friends...and still they will be happy and smiling....

there are days...when SBS seems to be hell...

then there are days....where this seems to be a place of love and smiles....

there are days.......

At Times...!!

Writing after a long time and struggling with words..

at times i feel that i have lost something which i possessed and was totally mine...

at times i feel loosing that and gaining something is not that bad either...

at times i feel that the kunal i was , was a mask....

at times i feel there is a need to wear a mask now...

with placements season already started...

at times i feel it is time for joy and share happiness of others..

at times i feel it is time for deep inspection....

at times i feel it is so beautiful to taste the tears of joy...

at times i feel it might also bring the tears from a broken heart...

at times i feel that will the history repeat itself...and the horrors of the past follow me..

at times i feel that will there be a new page added to my book....

with many getting placed....and seeing atleast 5 daily facebook updates...

at times i feel it is time to pack the bags as i stand very less chance...

at times i feel..it is time to unpack some of the abilities and show what i am made of...

at times i feel that are my actions justified....

at times i feel yes they are....

with people throwing so many questions and allegations on me and my character...

at times i feel that m i really that bad...

at times i feel who the hell are they to decide that....

at times i feel why should i answer every question that is fired at me...

at times i feel why should reply back to the fingers pointed at me....

at times i feel i should let everyone know what the truth is....

at times i feel it is time to prove that i am not selfish...

with things happening at such an ugly pace...

at times i feel where did the time run away....

at times i feel why cant i run away...

at times i feel why the clock is moving so slowly...

at times i feel i just can be lonely...

at times i feel that my biggest strength were words...

at times i feel my strength only is my biggest weakness....

at times i feel...words with whom i was so good in playing...

at times those same words have turned out to be playing with me....

at times i feel this is just a "time" a "phase" that will pass away..

at times..i feel success is on my way....

at times that "way" seems to be too long...

at times i feel so bloody "down"....

it is just at times i feel so....

it is just at times...i feel so low....

From the Bottom of my Heart..!!!

"kuch baatein aisi hojati hai ,

ki baatein hi ruk jati hai...

kuch raatien aisi aa jati hai,

ki aane wali subah hi tham jati hai...

kuch log yu hi chale jate hai,

ki bas unki yaadien hi reh jati hai...

jana hai ye kaha se...

jana hai , ye is hi jahan se...

kaun hai apna yaha,

jana hai ye parayon se....

kitni karib thi tum,

jana hai is doori se....

kuch mod aise ajate hai,

ki raahien bichad jati hai....

kuch chehre dil mey yu utar jate hai ,

ki bas tasveerien reh jati hai....

kuch log yun hi chale jate hai,

ki bas unki yaadien hi reh jati hai....

kuch sapney aise bun jate hai,

ki bas sapney hi reh jate hai....

kuch galatphemiya itni bad jati hai,

ki har sahi baat bhi galat lagne lagti hai.....

kuch samay yu karwat leta hai,

ki samay hi badal jata hai...

kuch rang yun ud jate hai ,

ki har rang phir be-rang sa nazar ata hai..

kuch log yun hi chale jate hai,

bas unki yaadien hi reh jati hai..

kuch baatien aisi ho jati hai,

ki baatien hi ruk jati hai...."

"Jhamela Zindagi Ka.."

Jo chaha tha maine , wo toh na mila ,

but jo bhi mila usmey compromise kiya.

socha tha rahunga khush abb is k sath ,

par sali ajati h phir wahi baat...

manga kuch aur mila kuch

socha kuch aur sala hua kuch...

har kisi ka yahi rona hai...

mummy se better lagti aj toh "shona" hai..

kaisa ye jhamela hai zindagi ka..

bharosa hi nai yahan kisi ka...

kaisa ye jhamela hai zindagi ka....

kal kya ho sala kis ko pata.....

tut te sapne aur tut te dil

abb toh rahe hai run-of-the-mill

khud se milna ko sala waiting hai

sunshine mey bhi its raining hai...

is dikhawey mey kuch aata na nazar

ye zindagi ban padi hai ek cheese burger...

kaisa ye jhamela hai zindagi ka...

dil hai chotte par naam hai bada...

kaisa ye jhamela hai zindagi ka...

kal kya ho sala kis ko pata...

yu toh facebook par mashhoor hai..

par khud se sala koso door hai....

abb toh mirror bhi fake hai..

zinda hai phir bhi nam k aagey lagta hai "late" hai...

ajeeb lagte hai log...aur ajeeb si hai dagar...

lagta hai ajeeb hai sali khud hi ki nazar...

lagta hai talli hona is not a crime...

paisa hi dikhta bas abb everytime....

kaisa ye jhamela hai zindagi ka....

out of mind hai mind khud hi ka...

kaisa ye jhamela hai zindagi ka..

kal kya ho sala kis ko pata....

dusro ki khushi k liye khud ki khushi daoon pe laga di

ek hi oppurtunity thi ji ne ki....wo be gawan di...

kab tak jita rahu doojo k liye..

na jane kitne aasu daru k sath piye...

selfish hona hi abb lagta best hai...

par yahi sabse bada test hai....

kaisa ye jhamela hai zindagi ka...

kya main chahu abb mjhe na pata...

kaisa ye jhamela hai zindagi ka...

bharosa nai yaha kisi ka....

Yahoo...yahoo...

cheers...!!!

Its You..!!

"when i close my eyes, my dreams are all about you.

when i open them back,my life is all about you.

its just you , who lives in me...

its just you, i wish would love me..

you , its just you , who makes me sing a song

you , its just you , when things go wrong,

you , its just you , with me on a rainy day ,

you , its just you , in those shades of grey...

when i walk alone , my thoughts are all about you.

when i with some one , all my talks are about you....

its just you , who lives in me....

its just you , i wish would love me....

its only you , for whom i wish to live my life..

its only you , for whom i wish to even die....

its only you , for whom i can sacrifice ,

its only you , to whom i can't deny...

when it comes to you , i see no other way

when it comes to you , life is a Shakespeare's play..

you , its just you , who lives in me....

you , its simply you , i wish who would also love me... "

yahoo yahoo...

cheers..!!

Born 2 b Lonely..!!!

I have had at times nothing to write , yet i have written and this is a time , where i have so much to tell but I just can't....

Some feelings cant be expressed....somethings better remain unexplained and to oneself....

last year almost the same time i was getting myself ready for this journey to MBA and this as a part of this voyage...i am undergoing rigorous schedule and training period....at times I think of ways of running away from it....but then where will i run as this is the only thing that has been able to keep me emotionally stable so far..

m learning....not only at intelligence level...but also at emotional level...that is why i call this a learning phase...

in last 20 days....had some shocking moments....some moments to cherish...some moments of pain...some dull moments.....some moments of fun...

cooked food,travelled a bit (by local bus hanging half outside risking my life)...its been a great time..and it sounds adventurous and sounds as if i am having a gala time here...but i doubt that....took 4 years to complete graduation but i hardly miss my class and its been less than a year in MBA and a period of 2 months is what m not able to live without them....one hell of a group here...!!!

meanwhile....few lines and in my eyes this would be 1 of my best...

when i first came in this world,

i had a loving mom,caring dad...

when i went to school,

i had a bunch of friends,

i had a charming smile.

when i first went to college,

i had my love......and a bright future ahead...

the problem now,is nothing but

the words "I Had"...

now when i look aside,

i see no one walking with me,

now when i look back.

i see memories haunting me....

i see no friends...

i see no family....

i think i was born to be lonely....

came with thousands , in to a world of thousands...

just to be lonely....

when i first learnt to walk....

if i stumbled , i had someone to take care of me.

when i first learnt to speak,

i had someone to correct me.

i can now run miles all alone,

i can now speak amongst thousands alone...

but i still miss those helping hands,

i still miss those caring eyes...

but the problem is nothing but...

the two words "I Had"

now when i fall , i stand back on my own,

now when i stutter , i speak to my own..

i had so many who loved me...

but all moved away from me...

i think i was born to be lonely....

i think i came with thousands , in this world of thousands....

just to be lonely....

in sometime from now , when i will fly high...

i doubt i will have someone to fly with me...

in life now , when i will smile....

i wish i will have someone to smile with me....

sometime from now when i die...

i wish i will have someone to hold me back...

the problem now is again with ,

two words "I Have"..

now when tears roll down my eyes,

i see very few understanding them...

now when i smile...i see very few realizing the pain behind the same....

i think i was born to be lonely...

came to this world of thousands....with thousand

just to be lonely...!!!

To My Dearest Friends Here @ SBS....

This is different from the story...yet quite the same...yes its been meaningful here in Pune...especially when you have such great friends...i have very few words to express of how much i owe to these people..having already once in a post mentioned all there names i would not repeat the same here...but yeah will certainly thank each of them

"guys you make me......u break me....u make me smile....u make cry....i can only say..guys you are my life..."

my final semesters have started...n it is 5a.m ...and I am writing about these jerks...such is the value of these morons in my life...when my day starts and when it ends is a mystery to me thanx to you all...but with every passing day i feel sad....sad because in exactly 15 days from now....many of us will move for our internships in our respective cities...this will be tough....i don't remember if ever i was apprehensive and scared of departing from someone...but today i feel it...i feel scared ...i feel sad...i feel worried....2 months is a long time...knowing each one of you..i know many of you wont change....but i hope none of us change....for the great souls you guys possess,the "human" you are....should never change....they say "all your morning dreams come true..."

it is 5 a.m and i see a dream here..a dream wherein everything remains the same.....when we come back...we would meet in the same way...eat in the same.....live in the same way....

i know few of them will be here and for that i am really thank full to almighty....but others will surely be missed...you guys are a part of me here....and it will be impossible to cope up without you....a part of heart when goes missing...it is tough to live...Prakhar and Mohan....two of my bestos...only i can tell how much i will miss these two...some things about which only we three could talk....those nonsense talks and conversations...those leg pullings...will surely miss them...

Ankita and Pragati....i cannot put in words how much i will miss you two...."my caretakers" (along with Safalta and Ankana) i don't know with whom i will get angry without you two...at whom i will shout...there are few people who can just make you smile like that and you certainly make me smile in your own ways....those weird faces of yours...siting idle and talking for hours (i doubt we ever did it....but now that i have written someday we will ...hehe)..at lunch you two mostly would be there and serve the food....will miss it surely....my coffee companions...coffee will be tasteless without you two....(@ pragu "if at all you are reading this...wipe you tears ...i know there are few in those eyes"....

@ankita...if at all you read this..."you will be away from your family...you are my "go to" friend here...and that go to friend itself is going...so now to whom will i go to ....remember i will be a call away..."

the sun is about to rise here in Pune....i post this today because i doubt now i will get anytime to tell these people hoe much i will miss them....

"pune will not be pune without you....smile would not be smiling without you.....tears will have no value without you....life will be so life less without you...."

I hope you all will remember this idiot...because this idiot will certainly....i hope our friendship will continue from where we will be leaving...i will always be the same...all i hope....is that you guys remain the same too....

will miss you a lot...Safalta...Ankana...you have a tough job of handling me....i may sound very weak....but yeah these guys are my weakness...

can't write more...not because it is 6a.m...but because...!!!

good luck guys..

Sarthak-"LiVe A MeanIngfUl liFe" ...Chapter-3

Chapter-3 "The Day It Ended Or Started"

"kuch chehre aankhon mey humesha k liye bas jate hai,

kuch lamhe humesha k liye tham jate h,

kitna bhi bhago aisi yaadon se....

aata-jate ye aankhon ko nam kar jate h..."

It was the month of May...and not only the body but the eyes were sweating as well that day...they all had come to say a final good bye to Akshay.Akshay had got placed in the penultimate semester in Infosys and was to join Infosys from 24th May in Delhi.Everyone had arrived apart from Purohit,Harsh tried to call him but his cell was switched off..the train was an hour late....everyone's eyes were wet...those moments kept popping in each of thier minds...this was suppose to be the last time all of them were meeting....after this everyone was to report to their respective firms...and whether in future all will be available at the same time or not was a big question....
Temperature was rising and with it emotions too....there were two questions flying in the air that moment.....first....when would we meet next??...second...where was Purohit??
It was 2:30pm...train was to leave at 3:oopm and suddenly from the wet eyes Akshay saw a figure walking towards him...looking similar in structure and a familiar face...and suddenly he shouted "teri *******......" with a voice full of tears and emotions..(boys have this tendency to remember every realtive of thiers when they are emotional).Hearing those beautiful words from Akshay's mouth everyone turned their face to look at the reccipient....it was Purohit...unshaved...long hair...in his typical chappals..as he walked towards Akshay....as hardly as Akshay abused him...he hugged him...two of the closest friends when they become emotional...the scene is more "sentimental" than any of the bollywood movie...there were tears...there smiles....there was pain....there was love....and there was friendship....
Everyone asked Purohit where the hell he was...and why was his cell switched off....and his answer was a typical Purohit reply..."just like that"..
Train shouted..."its time"...Akshay stepped in....it startd to move...gradually it started to move away from them....it was raining that summer afternoon not from the heavens' but from the eyes...eventually Akshay moved out of thier sight...still waving thier hands...to Akshay...the ambience was gloomy....one by one each of them left..only two people were there....Purohit and Ridhima....for one final time she said to him "Bye....All the best.." and she smiled with it...Purohit replied..."Same to you" but without a smile....and she turned her face....Purohit wanted to hold her back...and talk...tell her what she means to him.....but till the time he gathered courage to speak....Ridhima was gone....and it started to rain heavily...

As Purohit was falling in these memories....suddenly he heard one of the boy from the group downwards shouting...."money order karna sale"
and it brought a smile on his face because those were exactly the words Purohit shouted when Akshay was leaving....he said to himself "boys will be boys..and whereever you go they will have some common attributes.." and smiles..wipping the few tears...

Sarthak-"LiVe A MeanIngfUl liFe" ...Chapter-2

Chapter-2 "Old Memories"

"kuch yaadein,aankhon ko nam kar jati hai,

kuch yaadein,labho par muskan chod jati hai,

kuch baatein bhulane se bhi yaad ajati hai,

kuch adhoori khwaishyien,khwabon tak hi simit reh jati hai...."

It was 6p.m. and what was pouring down from last few days had slowed down...Purohit went to the window and opened it and felt the fresh air that came in....eyes closed,feeling the numbness of the air and that smell of the wet soil ,everything refreshed him...he then looked at the piece of paper and began to read what was his first ever article that never got published....

"She is more simple than the simplicity itself,more beautiful than the beauty itself...more honest than honesty,more human than humanity.....smile looks more beautiful when it is on her face...she could make me smile even on the darkest of days....a girl with simple thoughts but huge aims...a girl with simplest of looks but with the most beautiful soul....a girl for whom I could wait for ages....there is rhythm in her style of speaking & a melody in her voice...a girl for whom I can die in seconds....from a small town she comes and has changed many a lives...including mine...she has changed many perceptions...she has a different flair....and that glare...the skin that glows...the purity that flows....she has her own reasons...she has her own seasons....I tried to convey the message but the simple she is,she gets it all wrong....Ridhima..I...."

and the article ended...incomplete dreams and desires haunt you when they keep coming back to hit your face....it had stopped raining but Purohit's eyes were wet...and suddenly he heard a few bunch of people hugging each other,clicking pictures,few of them had tears in their eyes,few managed to smile....it seemed all have come to wish a final good bye to one of their friend.All aged at around 23 were a bunch of close friends...and it reminded Purohit of those days....of Akshay,Harsh,Neha,Shrishti and of course....Ridhima...

*****

Sarthak-"LiVe A MeanIngfUl liFe" ...Chapter-1

Well..as i said few weeks back...that i am upto something....and here it is.....a story...titled "Sarthak-live a meaningful life"....what it is all about i guess read it and know it...all i will say is...ask yourselves...is being good to others really fruitful and does it really mean others will be good to you...???? let us find it out...!!!

"Sarthak-live a meaningful life"

Chapter-1 The Place Where It Begun...

The door made a creaky sound as Purohit unlocked it..probably would have opened even without a key such was the state of the door...he stepped in a room...full of dust...looked like a home of around thousands of spiders and rats...it was dark....murky..and a small place with just one window allowing some fresh air to come in..the walls were all scribbled with some poetic verses..some reminders...and few cracks...there was a table in the corner,all dusty and looked as if it would breakdown anytime....beside it was lying a bed...where one would have to really struggle to find some place to lie down...all messed up with papers and clothes...it was shouting to give it a final goodbye...the width of the room wasn't much probably one and a half "khali" would lie down easily...

but still, it managed to bring some smile on Purohit's gloomy face...he was a writer...a very renowned writer...but last year or so had been awful for him...he wasn't able to come up with something innovative,creative in short interesting...

this was the first place where Purohit lived when he first came to Mumbai,some 8 years back...and today when he was dejected and defeated he came back to the place where it all started...

Purohit was like this....he valued his each and every possession a lot....be it his first home....friends...his job....he had a high degree of respect for people and most importantly to his values and morals....he was a gentleman of true sorts...but that gentleman had lost somewhere in the past few years...

he walked towards the bed...inserted his hand underneath the cot and took out a piece of paper...torn,brown and stinking...it was something that Purohit had written for the first time....his first ever article...he valued it the most....

it was raining heavily outside....monsoons had arrived in Mumbai....lightning...clouds roaring...and the sound of rain all added to the gloominess...he opened d piece of paper...

*****

professionalism....humanism...????

going through a rigorous schedule of classes...trying to become a manager...and every time i think about my future...a very important question comes to my mind...humanism or professionalism...????

two terms which now i am finding completely contradictory...same as angel and devil....

being a manager you will have to take certain decisions that might well be very inhumane so your humanity goes for a toss..

so for a salary of 50,000 are you ready to be inhuman....everyday i keep on hitting my mind with this question....which path should i choose.....be professional.....or be human....

i see people not allowing to effect what is happening around them not affecting them at all....i simply cannot understand....when you have even a little fight with your dearest and closest friend...how can one smile....if one does...that is professionalism....but is it really good to ignore others grievance and carry on your life happily as ever...especially when the concerned person is one of your closest one...i find it hard to do...is it really good to give tears to someone's eyes and still smile and have fun just in front of that person....i find it hard to do....

people ask me why have i changed....why i am more serious now....why don't i smile....the reason is simple...i don't this way just to attract eyeballs (as few think ) those who know me...they might well tell you that even i like to smile...and make others smile...but amongst such man-eaters..how can one smile..knowing there is none really human out there...i can never smile when i know i am the reason for someones' tears and that someone becomes uneasy when i am present..(for god's sake take this in a general way i m not pointing out any one person..) this is me...i have always tried to keep people happy...my friends happy....my family happy....because that is what makes me happy....so between humanism a professionalism...i will choose to be human...people say i think a lot....but what to do "humans" think...!!!

yahoo yahoo

cheers..!!

nothing to say...it really is gloomy..

Well there are phases in one's life...when you feel that you are the loneliest person in this world...you wish to spend most of the time with your own-self and the world almost comes to an halt...and yeah all the sad songs suddenly seems to me just made for you...situations like these when one fight to smile for every second....fights to be just calm every moment....fights to be himself every second...keeps on telling himself not to get bob down and be depressed...get over of it soon....and i will get over of it...but eventually thinks of the same...and trust me...it is tough to come out of such a situation...

they say cricket brings the entire nation on to a single stage....but even an indian win over the arch rivals in the semi finals of a world cup couldn't lift my spirits...strange but true...there stands a big barrier between me and my family...i say this for the first time on a public stage..and it hurts when i see people having great relations with their family...and I hardly talk to them for 10 minutes..while others would go on for hours...it is not that I DON'T LOVE them it is just that the relation never got to that level...and friends...yes i do have...but those who really love me...are far from me...and whom i trusted....are again far from me...it hurts...it does...and as i said every moment it is a fight with the biggest enemy....that is the negativity that has sufferer my thinking...my ideology...and a fight which I am loosing...i see friends with me...but it just isn't enough...fight is still on...and it will take time...really a long time....being a bit filmy...i need an angel (preferably female) hehe..wow...i managed to smile...how to end this post because there is so much i can write...yeah my writing skills enhance big way when i am sad...and yeah i am..

yahoo yahoo

cheers..

After d Disaster..!!

well when the country was discussing about the union budget and all the pros and cons of it...when every cricket fan was glued to the t.v. sets watching their teams perform on the biggest platform....when japan was awestruck with the biggest disaster mankind has faced from a century....I was fighting my own battle....yes mid terms....finally over....papers were the same as the union budget asking for prolonged discussions (especially the ET part)...pressure though was not the same as performing in the world cup...but yeah it did made me to be awake the whole..and yeah many papers left me with a question mark..!!

but as the mid terms ended came a great news.....holidays....now that was a tsunami...out of the blue...and the next day i was at home...now what i am doing at home....sleeping,eating and again sleeping.....

i will be honest in saying that yeah...i am missing my college...got so used to it that now m own bed is not able to hold me..!!

i was sad there...as i was missing my family....i am sad here....as i am missing my life....what a sad personality i have turned into...

anyways.....half the battle is won...but the climax still remains...terms starting soon...this post is just like that sitting on my pc.....having no idea of what to do...no one to chat...no one to talk...so a perfect scenario to write a blog..!!!

yahoo yahooo

cheers...!!

Mid Term Preparations....

Well its 24th of Feb and in a week's time I have my mid semesters...lots to study...but don't know why I am not able to be friends with books...

they say every day is a new day...and that the darkest cloud has sliver lining....where is the silver lining in the cloud above me...still searching...when will that new day come...still waiting...every day i look at the sun thinking today it has brought something new for me....something that would make me happy...that it has risen for me...indicating a new day..a new beginning.....

but....by the time it sets.....it is the same...as it sets...my hopes to be happy...to be smiling from the bottom of my heart sets and fades....the eyes which were full of enthusiasm and hope in the morning...are left with nothing but few tears...

and to add to it there comes a dark and lonely night...few moments of joy and fun are there but not much to keep the spirits high...

missing my family...my friends...my city....i am missing my very own people....being the pampered child and a friend i have been it is a bit tough to cope up with loneliness.. i have always found my friends there for me whenever i am a bit sad..be it rahul....krishna....vaibhav or shereen...and to not have either of them here is painful...few days back i did write about my present dear and loved friends...but i guess my own words backfired....and as they say it in hindi...."shayad meri hi nazar lag gai"...

but again..it is a learning phase...a bit long though...

well importantly as i said...mid terms are approaching....and i am not spending any time with so called best friends of mankind i.e books instead there is something running in my mind...something i have been thinking of and i guess i am starting to get the leads...more on this in my next post...till then just to tell you all... mid terms are approaching :)

yahoo...yahooo....

cheers...!!!

A Dream....Broken..!!!

You made me dream,

you were my dream,

you owned my dreams.

and now that you are gone,

i have no dream...

suddenly i have no reason to live,

suddenly i have nothing to give.

it was a dream,that i was living,

you were dream,

that has been broken...

you were my smile,

you made me smile,

you owned my smile.

and now that you are gone,

i have no smile...

suddenly i have no reason to smile,

suddenly i have a zeal to die.

it was a dream,that i was living,

you were dream,

that has been broken...

a corner of my heart,still beats for you,

the whole of my soul,is all about you.

your smiling face,bring tears to my eyes

that dream i lived..died...

you made me love,

you were my love,

you owned my love..

and now that you are gone,

i have no love...

suddenly i have no reason to love..

suddenly i have no one to love..

it was a dream,that i was living,

you were dream,

that has been broken...

you are still there,but not the same as before,

the way you cared,the way you adored....

you meant so much to me,but never did I to you....

i always valued you,but never did you...

you have a world to live for,share and smile with...

but my world was you...

it was a happy world , i was living in,

you were my world..

that is no longer mine...

it was a dream,that i was living,

you were dream,

that has been broken...!!!

yahoo yahoo..

cheers..!!!

And D blogging continues...."My Valentine"

14th Feb 2011...yes valentines day..a day to celebrate love with your love...and i was alone...as my love was a bit upset with me...was not talking to me....rather I was the one to quit it...running away from it...and many tried to persuade me but the egoist i am I didn't listen to any...but the stupid I am I had to revert back to it...yes how can I leave something that I love so much....I had to come back to it...yes I had to come back to blogging...

it really is strange how you start getting more things to write about when you decide that you wont write anything....

it was really a heart touching feeling when many of my friends said that i shouldn't quit writing (who doesn't want few words of praise ;) ..)

well now to be more factual about 14th Feb....yes the day passed away just like any other day I thought of few proposals but all in vane..sometimes I feel rather I worry that the only partner I will have will be this blog only.. :) poor me..!!!

well talking about 14th Feb i overheard someone saying .... that everyday is a valentine day and that you do not need any one particular day to express your love ...to those i would say...asking the flowerists...the gift shopkeepers....the chocolate makers.....how important is valentine day....just kidding.....well on a serious note yes you do not need any one particular day to celebrate love....but i am sure no one would dislike the fact that they have a reason to celebrate...to smile together...to be happy...just reminding your valentine how much he/she means to you...how lonely will you be without him/her...it is not a day to celebrate your love or telling your love that you him/her...

it is a day where you remind your love that you are there with him/her...you still love him/her...and that you will always be there for him/her...just a day to remind and celebrate and treasure few moments.....treasure few moments....so that 10 years down the line you would have something to relive...something to smile for...something n someone to look up to and say... "I still love you"

as far as my valentine goes....i am more then happy that I am back to it...and that it has accepted me (it had no other choice... ) but a real valentine...still unavailable....may be she (wherever she is) would turn up some day saying I do not need a 14th Feb to express my love...and I would succumb to her...because there is nothing I can argue with her...!!

yahoo yahoo

cheers...!!

Last Post..!!!

There is a day when I feel she and I are on the same page...and then comes a day when "if I'll be the first page..she'll be the last.."

The lines may well be giving you indications that the thing and disease called "love" has attacked me..

this post might well be a tough one to handle...and the consequences even tougher...

well...yeah i don't sit beside my window at nights and look up to the moon trying draw her face..

i don't give up food when she is angry (food...in any case i wont give up on)...the love for chocolates and a poets' name is what I already have..(people become poet when in love or at least they feel so...others call them by the name *******)

Then still I deny the fact that this is love..strange but true...love...

I get perplexed when I try to define this thing called "love"... a mother loves her child unconditionally...without even being informed she would come to know that her child is in pain..

similarly a father loves his child.... prays for his success and unlike mother who takes on the Creator for her child..a father fights with the world to provide everything what the child dreams of...

a teacher loves his students (i mean it in a more human way ) wants them to excel in a particular field...tells them what not to do.. (rather then telling them what to do) through his experience..

and finally the definition you were waiting for..

"love.. is the most beautiful gift of God to mankind.. for me love is not holding hands and sitting in the darkest corner of a garden (I am being too liberal by saying just 'holding hands')...it is not about showing off in front of many by being her puppy... it certainly does not mean being physical...

If I was to define love it would be... there is nothing called love..all I want is to see is a smile on your face...all I want is to take care of you..."be the sun" in your darkest times and just a part of your good times...a shoulder to cry upon and a wall to bang on...

if keeping one happy and smiling is what love is...then yes may be I am in love...

it is painful to say this but...this is my last post...as I quit blogging...writing never was my cup of tea..but as usual tried my hands on it...and as I write my final few lines in this blog..I must say ..

"love too is not my cup of tea...and when I tried my hands on it..... it burnt.."

for one last time..

yahoo yahoo...

cheers..!!!

To Dual-D...

7 months before when I started this journey at SBS...it was supposed to be a journey...but it is turning out to be a voyage...

In this battle with egos....with personalities...with my own self... I have found few souls which I would savor for the rest of my life...

Honestly I didn't expect to find true friendship in a MBA institute...but as it turns out to be I am more then privileged to be a part of a class which is far away from "group-ism"....I am proud to be a part of a group which has no relationship with the words "ego" and "selfishness"

Let me talk about BITM Dual-D(Marketing and Finance) many of the experts said that too much of group-ism exists in this class..but the reality is something very different we are a unit.The institute named us as Promoters but i would call us as the Differentiators...a division that creates a difference when it come to BITM 10-12 batch....

If I say that there exist no differences between us..would be wrong....yes with 55 personalities you are bound to have few rifts and frictions...but who says there are no rifts between two of the closest friends as well...

Be it winning the cultural with some "tashan"..be it helping not only our classmates but other duals as well in Bam Sir's 1 week of fun and masti...be it celebrating every birthday with eggs,cold drinks and yeah of course cake... be it for that poor guy who would get beaten up for a gal on her bday...Dual-D comes across as a class with full of energy and unity.

At times I do feel it is way too childish....but what is the harm in being able to live in your childhood for ever as that is the most innocent and joyful stage of life... I am proud to be a part of it and I don't think I would forget this batch for a long long time....

Coming to the close friends of mine...every time I would be sad I would find someone siting beside me trying to make me smile... Prakhar,Ankita,Safalta,Pragati,Sagar,Prakash,Shruti,Ankana,Anshita,Mohit,Vikas,Rishabh..it is one hell of a group...be it Prakhar's endless talks....Ankita's innocence...Safalta's care...Pragati's super rocking jingles....Sagar's ease of communicating....Prakash's deadly expressions....Shruti's simplicity...Ankana's anger (though she is not that short tempered but she always scares me.) Anshita's awesome macho-manism(which even I don't possess) Mohit's promises...Vikas's cool attitude and Rishabh's spontaneousness reactions....these do bring smile on my face on the very gloomy and dark days of my life....life would have been a black hole without you guys, here...if at all I am what I am it is more because I have such beautiful souls around me...too senti a stuff...but that is the way it is..last but not the least how can I forget Nikita..she though is not a part of Dual-D but has been a very good friend...someone whom I have always relied upon...

I thought of making this blog a humorous one but couldn't..I guess that is the effect of friendship...the moments I have shared with these guys are invaluable...hard to think of one special moment..as every moment has been a special one...

god bless you all...(bhubhu lil senti hehe :-)..)

Yahoo yahoo...

cheers....

iT is So nOt EaSy.....!!!

It is 21st of January,winters about to come to an end....foggy mornings....sunny days and chilly nights....perfect weather to go out and have fun with your friends and enjoy life....but it is not so easy....when you have bright and sunny opportunities but foggy thoughts and chilling results...it is not so easy to wear smile and have fun....

life is running through one such situation presently...a feeling of loneliness...a feeling of disgust and a feeling of sadness has what suffused me.....

it is not so easy to cope up with such situations wherein you are looked upon as something you are not....negative thoughts have infected my thought process and i find myself highly dejected

looking for little things to motivate me....and with first sem results around the corner there seems a very little chance of me getting motivated...!!!

for the first time realizing how important the two F's are-friends and family......

it actually is not easy....and that happens to be the title of not only this post but also my next creation...

it is so not easy,for someone to let go

someone you love so much.someone for whom you care so much.

it is so not easy,to see tears in the eyes of

someone you love so much,someone for whom you care so much.

you know that she is your life,

you know that without her,space would be wide.

you know it will be a lonely world,

but still you sacrifice,just for her.

it is so not easy,for someone to not able to see

someone you love so much,someone for whom you care so much.

all the time,you keep persuading her,

you will be "well" even without her.

you keep on saying "i wont miss you"

keep on wearing a smile..that kills you.

all this for someone you love so much,for someone you care so much.

and when the moment comes ,for her to let go

your hands want to hold her back

you heart speaks "please don't go"

your eyes shout please stay back

but the words that come out "please go"

(and she goes....)

the world is now a lonely place

you are left with memories of those happy days

your eyes cry,lips smile

gloominess on your face....

all this for someone you love so much,for someone you care so much.

it is so not easy,for someone to live without

someone you love so much.someone for whom you care so much.