A leaf out of Phattu's notebook which i did not post in my story "say it when u lov it"

no greetings..no wishings...!!

coz i dont feel lik doing it.this may sound highly depressing n to a few utter rubbish as well..but that is my state n i cannot help it..m depressed and its been over a month i hv been feeling this and i think it is reaching its peak..

ther s not 1 reson behind this instead ther r umpteen factors responsible for such behavior of mine...

frm where shuld i begin is wht confusing..ok...next few months culd wel decide my path ahead..n m worried n tensed but not able to work for them..i want to make my next few months memorable for me..but i just cannot find the way...i want to study..but i m not able to do it...the very fact tht this s my last chance scares me...i get up late..but i want to wake up early...i go to bed late...but i want to go to bed early...i want to b sincere...but i just cannot...the bottom line..."i have lost control over myself"

i chat til late night..which i hate..but stil i do....i watch stuff which i shuld not...n i hate watching...but stil i do....everyday i promise to myself n god that i wil b a good child i wil b a good son..but everyday i break the promise..probably thts y now even God is not with me...fooled him too much...

if this is not enuf..talk abut the gal i loved so much...its been 4 months i last talked to her...n more then 6 months i last saw her...

quite a few times i ccalled her but she wont ans to my cals..neither reply to my msgs...nor reply on ne of the social sites n messengers...she wil b ol but wont talk to me...i hv no pblms with that...wht irritates me is d reson behind such an awkward n awful behaviour..n it is not tht she s the same frm starting..we shared a beautiful realtionship b4 n suddenly this..dont i deserve a clarrification from her...evryday i go to sleep with tears in my eyes...very rarely i smile frm the bottom of my heart..n its been over 2 months experiencing this..

i love my family...my friends....n when they behave in such a way it hurts me deeply..n if friends r giving me this much pain...y wil the family leave behind...my parents dont want from the bottom of their heart tht i shuld do mba....they want that i shuld get into a job..but i want to do mba..that is my desire..i alwys say "if 1's parents r wtih him then he does not need ne1 else"...n today i find myself..alone...without my parents...every father wants that his child shuld do what he culd not..n when i come to knw tht i m not living or fulfilling their expectations..it hurts me even more..

it is not physically that m sick...it is the mental area...the relations which make a person strong-friendship n family...the same are breaking me..

m a simple boy..with a simple heart...i try to keep my upper lip stiff..but for how long...m no dude or hunk neither do i want to be 1....i want my family...more so my parents...

and amidst all this i find u trying to hold me..yesterday night i did cry infct rgt now my eyes r wet...i thought once i get up in d morning i wil get wel...as it has been happennig frm past few months..but this morning it did not go tht way...

though we share a strange friendship but atleast it is far better then some of which i hv experienced past few months...how human behavior change this is a story of tht...m not successful that s what the reason...m not intelligent,not a genius at my work,hav no good qualities....just sweet looks and thats it abut "phattu"...